there’s been a lot of smack (trash) talking going down over the upcoming USA – England match up in the soon to be started 2010 World Cup. fate would insist/force/require that i be in the midst of a wedding when the game kicks off, but i will be a living example of those commercials where men watch sports in inappropriate locations. but, in the spirit of loving (and living for) this game i now present the meaning of the game’s outcome in any of the the circumstances that should present themselves as reality when i check the game’s progress on an iphone during i-do’s.
0-0
f that.
1-0 Eng
we have learned nothing. england is supposed to win. they get it done. but there is nothing that says May Day for Team USA. a totally acceptable result.
1-1
american soccer ain’t nothing to mess with. prepare to see the british press start panicking. capello will call it a hiccup, and the english will crush the next game, but the us will be looking into the round of 16.
2-1 ENG
the most likely result. the three lions will have some confidence but the us will feel vindicated. nothing is in disarray for the americans. now they just need to win the next two.
2-1 US
totally possible. and it would be so glorious. the brits would start re-thinking their defense. maybe a goalkeeping change will be in order. and the pressure would build on the english. the americans meanwhile will have something to hang their hat on.
2-2
damn that would be a good game. i’d love it to be a 1-0, 1-1, 2-1, 2-2 progression. everyone (fans, players, coaches, pundits) would be content.
3-2 ENG
mmmmmm good. and acceptable for everyone. scoring won’t be the problem. the americans will be thinking about defense and endurance. so will team england.
3-2 US
capello will be flipping out. america will have some new offensive hero (even if it’s donovan/dempsey again). ratings for the rest of the american world cup games will be out of control.
ENG victory by 2 or more
ummm, ok, maybe england is a legit contender. everyone in the uk’s gonna be getting STOKED on that kinda result. buy your rooney jerseyz now.
US victory by 2 or more
england in roo-ins. the british press corps are about to go CRAZY. america will never let the british live this down. f*** bp. REVENGE OF THE GULF! t-shirts. tattoos. monuments. ESPN will be calling it an instant classic. i will call it SARATOGA 2 or SARATOGA IN SOUTH AFRICA.
3-3
well boys, that’s what we call soccer (unless ur british in which case that’s what you call football).